Posts Tagged ‘spiderwebs’
If I was invisible I’d molest everybody and everything… I’d have an amazing invisible side kick that was half penguin with a sexy wolf head…and we’d stroll down streets together and pee on mailboxes… but it would be pee with sparkles that smelled like grape bubble gum and if it sprayed on anybody it would bring them good luck, happiness and true love forever…then we would visit the local prison and get gang banged while getting painful prison tattoos on our faces… then we’d go to the nearest mini golf putt putt and hide dirty magical underwear in all the putt putt holes…then we’d go to a botanical garden and steal all the rare flowers and stick them in our eyes and then run and crash into glass walls and split our heads open and then rush to the nearest hospital emergency room and demand to get stitches made from spiderwebs and then we’d loiter in the emerg and tickle drunk bloody hobos and deliver some babies and glue googley eyes all over their bodies…. then we’d go to the 7-11 and steal their slushy machine and fly back home to our cave made of cardboard and sheppards pie and sit around a stew and pour the slushies all over our bodies…and then eat raindrops… and skewer sweet and sour chicken balls and make them into necklaces and then we’d hogtie both our bodies together with braided licorice and leather and go to sleep and dream of breastfeeding ninjas saving the universe in sexy lingerie. The end. xo.
I wanna be that girl that…walks only on my tippy toes so that I’m taller than tall and can catch eagles in my hair…I wanna slam into walls to mash up my face and then sew it back up with spiderwebs, spit and sparkles…I wanna be that girl that wears bunny ears made of pantyhose stuffed with mashed potatoes so that when I spin around really fast I create a mashed potato rain storm that can be enjoyed by anyone that is standing next to me with an open mouth…I wanna be that girl that when I hug someone I want them to see floating hearts humping other floating hearts in an intense heart to heart action packed humpety hump with glitter in the sky…I wanna turn into a butterfly and land in peoples ears and tell them secrets about themselves that they don’t even know…I wanna be that girl that has breath that tastes like cinnamon rolls …. but not that fake cinnamon roll taste… the real thing…I wanna morph into bubble wrap and then run around and have giraffes and little monkeys pop all my bubbles while I spin around super fast… I wanna be that girl that eats lightbulbs and disco balls and then everywhere I go I light up the night…I wanna have all the time in the world to lie in the grass and make art and read stories and smoke cigarettes that don’t kill but instead grant all my wishes…I wanna be that girl that makes love to fajitas and quesadillas every night at 11:33 pm cause they seem so loving and would make extra good cuddlers and I really love how drippy they are…I wanna be that girl that eats styrofoam and then spits it all out to create a snowy snowfall that covers everything and makes everyone want to swim in hot chocolate with marshmallows and think dirty thoughts about Santa Clause, reindeers and elves…I wanna make a soft-core porn with Scooby Doo and the Gang incorporating lime green popsicles and cheerleader outfits with picnic baskets floating in the sky…. I wanna be that girl that loves me for me…no matter what will be…forever and ever until the sky falls down and eats the ground and the only thing left is a unicorn that blows bubble gum out of their bum bum…. xo