Posts Tagged ‘mermaids’
If I was an itty bitty pancake….
….I’d love myself all the time….forever….
….I would run through prairies catching poppy petals in my mouth…
….I would serenade the sun and moon and try to woo them into having a threesome with me…
….I would look for friends to knit blankets with and then we would make a really large blanket that would cover all of us while we tickle each other till we die and then we would pretend I’m sleeping beauty and everyone would have to kiss me longingly until I come back alive…
….I would go to an orchard and dry hump all the apples…
….I would learn how to fart itty bitty heart shaped pancake farts that smell like fresh blueberry pie and then lie there and smell them all day…
…I would find another itty bitty pancake and kiss it until I sucked out all it’s being and it lay limply beside me…
…I would have maple syrup hot tub parties and invite all my fave super heroes and make them strip and watch them eat bacon till they puke…
…I would build a large castle made out cranberries and strawberry flavored glue and then get some chickens and build fires every night and wear cute little pancake rubber boots and eat paint and dance jigs and bob for beef jerky and try to grow a pancake tail…
…I would give birth to a pancake horse with long flowing hair and then ride over cliffs and jump really high and search for bears to hug…
…I would pretend to be a movie director and cast characters that look like pancakes and make them eat popcorn with chopsticks and see if they can blow saliva bubbles so big that would envelop all of us and float away and carry us all to a mountain made of dreams…
…I would teach pancake satisfaction workshops that would teach pancakes how to orgasm without touching themselves…
…I would randomly float up to others and lick their faces so lightly that they wouldn’t feel a thing…
…Lastly I would build a life size unicorn made of pancakes and we’d ride on top of ocean waves and feed pancake crumbs to the jellyfish and search for mermaids that could massage our little pancake feet and paint lightning bolts on our eyelids and teeth…
Oh My! Chicken Pie Mind Meanderings…
Wouldn’t life be so much better if everything we said was turned into a song…. like when I said to someone recently your chair is so comfortable… and they said …oh it’s the bum cushion… and then I sang bum cushion bum cushion bum cushion…. I dunno it just felt good….
*Sometimes I just wanna shove my face into Purple and get all purpley…
*I think every office should have a bob for apples pail set up by the water tank…. nothing big or fancy since it would have to be emptied and replenished for sanitary purposes… maybe you can get a fresh water filter… not infiltrator… filter… and why just limit oneself to apples … you can do snickers bars… pears… kumquats…
*I’d only consider getting an iPhone if :
a) It was completely indestructible … and i mean it… like if The Hulk was sleeping over and he rolled over on it and thought it was an attacking villainous monster trying to kill us and he went all hulk on it and tried to destroy it with his big green amazing strength… I want that iPhone to stay alive.
b) If it could do my laundry and dishes everyday.
c) If it would make out with me no matter what…. even if there was a fireball storm and it was half way across the universe and flying dragons were trying to stop it… even if a huge robot constructed out of waffles tried to stop it… even if it drowned in the sea and a mermaid tried to steal it and trade it into a scary sorceress for legs…. even if all those things happened simultaneously and it was stuck in a pile of glue… I still expect it to come to me so I can Make out with it ridiculously and immensely with all my make out might.
*It would be amazing to have birds on my face instead of eyes…. maybe lovebirds… or wait maybe baby owls….
*I truly believe that Pom Poms are essential to Life…
*If a leaf asked me to have babies with it … I’d be down…. so so so DOWN…
*If I could be any dog I would be a Husky with one purple eye and one yellow eye and my fur would have neon black frosty tips…
*Why not incorporate more handlicking into life… Grab a bucket of Maple Syrup or Honey or Peanut Butter or Bacon Juice or Nuttella… Dip your hand in it and lick away…. Voila ! It’s like a lollipop without the stick…. with more licking surface area…
That’s all I got…. for now….. Have a magical weekend… xo
p.s the pic above is an invention called the hair noodle holder…. I think it’s amazing I want one so I could wear it on my deck smoke butts and drink vodka out of the bottle ….
