Elizaveta Yankelovich

Wouldn’t life be so much better if everything we said was turned into a song…. like when I said to someone recently your chair is so comfortable… and they said …oh it’s the bum cushion… and then I sang bum cushion bum cushion bum cushion…. I dunno it just felt good….

*Sometimes I just wanna shove my face into Purple and get all purpley…

*I think every office should have a bob for apples pail set up by the water tank…. nothing big or fancy since it would have to be emptied and replenished for sanitary purposes… maybe you can get a fresh water filter… not infiltrator… filter… and why just limit oneself to apples … you can do snickers bars… pears… kumquats…

*I’d only consider getting an iPhone if :

a) It was completely indestructible … and i mean it… like if The Hulk was sleeping over and he rolled over on it and thought it was an attacking villainous  monster trying to kill us and he went all hulk on it and tried to destroy it with his big green amazing strength… I want that iPhone to stay alive.

b) If  it could do my laundry and dishes everyday.

c) If it would make out with me no matter what…. even if there was a fireball storm and it was half way across the universe and flying dragons were trying to stop it… even if a huge robot constructed out of waffles tried to stop it… even if it drowned in the sea and a mermaid tried to steal it and trade it into a  scary sorceress for legs…. even if all those things happened simultaneously and it was stuck in a pile of glue… I still expect it to come to me so I can Make out with it ridiculously and immensely with all my make out might.

*It would be amazing to have birds on my face instead of eyes…. maybe lovebirds… or wait maybe baby owls….

*I truly believe that Pom Poms are essential to Life…

*If a leaf asked me to have babies with it … I’d be down…. so so so DOWN…

*If I could be any dog I would be a Husky with one purple eye and one yellow eye and my fur would have neon black  frosty tips…

*Why not incorporate more handlicking into life… Grab a bucket of Maple Syrup or Honey or Peanut Butter or Bacon Juice or Nuttella… Dip your hand in it and lick away…. Voila ! It’s like a lollipop without the stick…. with more licking surface area…

That’s all I got…. for now….. Have a magical weekend… xo

p.s the pic above is an invention called the hair noodle holder….  I think it’s amazing I want one so I could wear it on my deck smoke butts and drink vodka out of the bottle ….

Hola Hola Poof Poof I Love you Grapefruit …so much so that I shall take you with me on every one of my adventures…I shall find your home and shake it really hard without hurting it and gather all of you grapefruits and build a huge grapefruit puppy and I’ll call him Ninjafruit…and he’ll be taller than the CN tower…and we will be in the Guinness Book of Records together and the pic will be of me balancing on Ninjafruits head  … and we’ll take walks together and when he pees it’ll create a waterfall of grapefruit juice that will coat people and streets… and while he naps in my backyard I will get more grapefruits and shave off all my hair and glue the grapefruits to my head…and make short shorts out of grapefruits  and match it up with a sunset lightning tank top with shredded fabric and beads made of grapefruit seeds and then we’d go flying and visit all our friends that live on other planets in the universe … We would also have grapefruit juice guns that we would use on enemy ninjas with sharp teeth …we would spray them in the eye and then fly away as fast as we could….then we’d go back home and build a huge fort with a comfy large pullout couch and we’d make one of those beaded curtains made of grapefruit seeds for the doorway and then we’d cut grapefruits in half and bake them in our easy bake oven  and throw them at people that are wearing tee shirts that say I Hate Grapefruits…and they would fall to the ground with their faces covered in the gooey grapefruit goodness and then they would tear off their shirts and stomp on them and burn them and throw them in the air while they are ablaze and run away fast so that it didn’t fall back down on them and burn their faces off….and while Ninjafruit and I are hanging in our grapefruit fort we would hear someone knocking on the seed curtain we made and we would look up and see that it was our suntan lotion delivery guy who only comes around when the sun is down or hiding behind clouds and he looks at my grapefruit short shorts and says “wow! those look juicy” and I say “Yeah o Yeah…?” and he says ” here’s your suntan lotion…” and I say ” thanks …you can put it over there” and he says ” k…” and then he walks over and bends down and then Ninjafruit and I ambush him with grapefruit juice and cinnamon and brown sugar and cayenne pepper and then he’s covered and he spins around and falls to the ground his eyes half open half closed three quarters semi opened….and then Ninjafruit and I watch our daily slot of Magnum PI …then we re-enact it twice…and then we check on suntan lotion delivery guy and I bend over and give him the bestest grapefruit kiss ever and his eyes slowly flutter open and then we both embrace and build a spaceship out of grapefruit skin that’s big enough to fit Ninjafruit and his many baby grapefruit puppies…and we fly off to start our own planet where every night we have to make a bonfire without using fire….xo